Toxic Behaviours That Are Normalized By Society

Madhurya
Oct 1, 2021
9 min read

Updated: Oct 2, 2021

Human beings are social animals, that said, we all crave a sense of community. For the smooth running of society, we have had certain norms that were followed by people for ages.

But as time passed and we became more civilized, educated, and well-read, we started rewriting the age-old societal norms to be more compatible with the 21st century.

But even today there are a ton of these ancient toxic behaviors that our society encourages in this day and age. In today’s episode, let’s look at some of these toxic behaviors that are still alive in our society and how important it is to change such behaviors.

You can also check-out the audio version below.

Being told to smile

This is one thing that everyone keeps telling others. I do not understand the logic behind it.

One can smile only if they are feeling happy about something to happy about meeting someone, or about being at a certain place.

Forcing people to smile even when they are not feeling like it, has become a toxic behavior our society has taken upon. It is considered to be rude if you do not smile at someone. Let people be, people have the freedom to react as they please. Do not force your beliefs and insecurities on others.

Not respecting one’s time and space

In Indian society, one has no sense of boundaries, no sense of respect for others' time. No sense of personal space whatsoever. A sense of privacy and personal space is an alien concept in our society. Everybody is up in everybody’s business. In a busy world, we often tend to have time to meddle with others’ life, in the name of gossip, and time pass. Please stop messing with people’s time. Time is the one thing that all of us have in a limited quantity. Utilize it wisely.

Asking when someone is going to get married or have kids

I’m sure a majority of you who are between the age group of 23-30 are bombarded with this question at least once a day. People completely forget the sense of privacy when it comes to matters of marriage and kids.

Marriage and Kids are the most personal decisions that a person has to make and all of a sudden the society has made it a topic for debate. There are times when the person or a far relative, who you never knew existed, is bothered about your marriage and your probability of having kids.

Our society should stop asking these questions, as they are personal choices that an individual has to make for themselves.

Touching other people you don’t know

Oh my god, where do I even begin with this, when the concept of personal space is so alien for our society, it’s not as surprising when they break the physical barrier to touch before talking to you. There are unwanted hugs during a family gathering, unwanted touching feet to seek blessing, unwanted pats on your back, unwanted shake hands, and hand squeezing, banging on hands while laughing. People should make it a practice to ask permission if a person is okay with you touching them before they even shake their hands.

Commenting about weight and appearance

Body shaming, fat shaming, color discrimination, there are just so many of these that are being showcased as ways to better your appearance and cure your insecurities when in reality, all these things are doing is building our insecurities even more. It is never ok, to comment on somebody’s appearance, color, size.

Every one of us is beautiful. Do not judge people for their appearance. If you do not have anything to talk about, then it’s better to be quiet than to comment about other’s appearance and make them feel insecure. The world is doing enough of that already. Do not add on to it.

Asking someone you just met, about their occupation and how much money they make

This is a piece of information that people often assume they are entitled to. It is not okay to ask someone you barely know about their financial situation, how much they make, the kind of job they have, judging them based on the kind of job they do. This has to be the worst way one tries to build relationships.

How much money people make if their private information, that they can share only if they are willing to. You wouldn’t go ask someone you just met their ATM password right, it’s the same principle. Asking how much money they make, makes people assume that you are materialistic, nosy, and insecure. Stop doing that.

Being Too competitive

A little competition is good for you to upskill yourself and challenge yourself to conquer today’s world. But constantly comparing yourself and challenging yourself to be good at everything, every time, and giving yourself unrealistic standards to keep up to is a very toxic behavior, one that leads to self-destruction.

Victim mentality

We all have a past. Most of us carry a lot of scars. These can be emotional scars, physical, financial. The thing that matters most is how we deal with these scars from the past and move on from them and design our lives to be a little better than the previous day.

A ton of us do the mistake of holding on to one indecent from the past and focusing on that and magnifying and showcasing that as a reason for our incompetence or failures. Having this sort of victim mentality leads us to hold ourselves to very low standards and often leads to depression, no confidence, insecurities.

The majority of us may be victims of some sort of trauma, what matters most is how we overcome that and make the most of our lives and cherish the life we have.

The expectation for employees to be available 24/7

In human society, it has become an unspoken ask from the majority of companies wanting their employees to be available 24/7. This being available 24/7 has been showcased as a positive attitude towards work, as something that is a requirement to get ahead in your career path.

Working or being available for work 24/7 even though they pay you only for 8-9 hours of your time in a day, has been glorified as a necessity to get ahead in your career and please your boss. Your sincerity and loyalty are measured based on your availability to your company 24/7.

Overworking and not having a personal life

Overworking and being busy has become a trend nowadays. People boast about how busy they are, how much extra work they do for their company, how they do not have time to have a nice meal with family.

All these are glorified so much, that many young employees assume that it’s a very cool thing to be busy with work in life. Let me burst your bubble if you’re one among these people who think being busy is the new cool.

Work is only a source of income for most of us, with 9-5 jobs. The companies that pay you, pay you only for the 8 or 9 hrs you are required to work, any minute you spend extra, thinking it will get you ahead in your career if your manager sees you spending extra hours in the office or extra hours online, you’re wrong. They don’t care. As long as you do your job, get your deliverables for your projects done on time. They don’t care about anything else.

It’s only you who’s losing time, you’re losing the memories you can make spending that extra time with your family and loved ones, you’re losing time that you can invest in learning a new skill or start a side hustle or even relax and unwind from work, give your mind and eyes some rest from all the bombardment of information. In the name of overtime, overworking, stretch assignments, you’re losing your most precious asset, TIME.

Blindly following popular people and considering them your Role model

Many fall into the trap of getting mesmerized by the glam life celebrities lead and tend to consider them their role models and many do tend to copy the same path of their role models, thinking it will gain them the same success and glory.

But one thing we tend to forget is that none of the hardships that are faced by these so-called role models are displayed in the public eye.

Try to pick a more realistic role model. Someone you could relate to daily and connect with.

Drinking

Just because it’s legal, doesn’t mean you are allowed to be drinking 24/7 or finding a reason to drink in the name of celebrations, parties, sadness, loss.

Stop connecting every emotion of yours to drinking. It’s not cool to be drinking. Take control of your life, before drinking takes control of you.

Blaming your parents

Our parents did the best they could. They’ve always put our needs and wants above theirs. Stop blaming your parents for everything that’s wrong with you. It can be blaming them for not having good looking genes, appearances, financial support, etc.,

It was their first time being parents, why don’t give them the benefit of the doubt and say thanks to everything they did do for us to give us a happy and fulfilling life.

Objectifying children to make money

To get into the social media game and make money, millennial parents often use their kids and newborn babies as a source of content, sharing every personal detail about the child.

At an early age, these kids are getting their privacy snatched away from them before they could even grow up to the age of understanding the meaning of privacy.

Oftentimes this leads kids to compare themselves to unrealistic role models, leading to a feeling of insecurity, and having high expectations and they lose the innocence of their childhood altogether.

Gender Stereotypes

Who decided men shouldn’t cry or be emotional, who decided for women to be the homemaker, who decided only men should have leadership roles, who decided only women should be caregivers, who decided blue is for boys and pink is for girls. Who are these people who are making these decisions for entire humankind?

We are in the 21st century, for god’s sake let us stop with these gender stereotypes and let people be themselves as they please to be and mind our own business. This is something we all feel we’ve grandfathered in the right to stereotypes people.

Anyone can do anything that they are capable of, it all comes down to skills, likings, capacities of an individual, and a willingness of an individual to decide on the kind of work they want to do or make any other choices.

There’s nothing wrong with a woman wanting or dreaming of being a CEO someday and a man dreaming of financial freedom and just chilling with his future kids and making memories with them, over chasing an unrealistic masculine image that society has created.

Wastefulness

Our generation took an overwhelming choice in product assortment. The availability of things was so abundant that none of us is thought the art of thinking about repair rather than replacement.

We find it very easy to replace something that’s broken than repairing it. May it be, materialistic things or human relationships, the moment something breaks or we get a hint of something not working, our immediate response is to replace it or replace them.

This creates a lot of emotional turmoil on people and also creates a lot of waste and junk leaving the planet an inhabitable space for future generations to come. Before you try to replace your next broken thing, why don’t you consider checking if it’s repairable and then proceed further and do your bit to save the environment?

Romanticizing violence as a form of love and affection through movies and tv shows

All of us have grown up watching various sorts of violence passed off as a sign of affection and love. Many people still do consider these to be real forms of love and affection.

The hero stalking the girl, until she gets tired of him following her around, the plot of the movie is promoting Stockholm syndrome- which is a physiological response where victims bond with their captors or abusers.

We have movies that show domestic violence as a sign of love and helping the person heal from some psychological issues. We are a generation that is accustomed to multi-channel learning. When these are the kind of things that are being promoted on one of the biggest sources of information for the majority of the people in the country, these things become very impressionable in young minds leading them to develop all sorts of toxic behaviors in their life.

Well, these are my thoughts about these issues/behaviors that no one really talks about. Thank you for taking out time to read my blog.

Please do share your thoughts in the comments section.

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Thank you for taking out time to read our blog as part of Stensor- The Mind Chapter. Do remember this is coming from our experiences only. This is purely from our journey towards mental health and wellbeing. We are Architects by profession, with a design initiative part of Stensor-The Design Chapter, where we help our audience/clients design beautiful living spaces to enhance their lifestyle. If you’re looking to revamp your spaces, feel free to reach out to us via email at contact@stensor.in or Click Here to know more.